What's my Purpose?

Well, I've gone and now I'm back from my mission in Brazil! It was a wonderful experience! A year and a half of challenges and struggles sugarcoated with delightful blessings and surprizes! A loved being a missionary, but am also thankful to be back. It has its pros and its cons however. On the one hand, I miss that mantle, that special feeling and purpose of being a missionary. I miss being "called" to bless people's lives to do the very work the Savior would do if He were here himself. There is power and purpose in that. On the other hand, I am thankful to be back, where I can see and be with my family and friends once again. Oh, how I missed them while I was gone. I spoke with my friend, Mikey, after having recently returned from Brazil, and He asked me, "Doesn't it just seem like the last [year and a half] of your life was all a big dream?" I can honestly say, "yes, it does." I even ask myself sometimes... did I really just do that? Did I really just serve a mission for a year and a half? Because now that I am back in the real world, back in my SAME OLD apartment, in my SAME OLD ward, at my SAME OLD school, with my SAME OLD job... it hardly feels like I even left at all... I mean... despite EVERYTHING ELSE. Ha, the location, the job, the major, may all still be the same, but the people have changed. My friends have all moved on to bigger and better things. Many are married. Many have graduated. Others have gone on missions of their own. Sometimes I wonder, what is left for me? Well, obviously, there is a lot... but amidst all the changes that have happened over my year and a half absence... I still wonder. Am I doing the right thing? Am I in the right place? What IS my purpose post-mission? I'm telling you, this really is a hard thing to figure out. I am trying to find it... Is it in work? Is it in my degree? Is it to date, find a guy, and get married and start a family? What IS my purpose these days? Does it have anything to do with accomplishments? Or is it about serving? Becoming?
I talked to Dr. Gibbons today, (the Department chair in the office in which I work)well, He talked to me, about this very topic. Being a returned missionary himself, He suggested a few things I should be doing to find my purpose post-mission. He mentioned using my patriarchal blessing, finding out what my gifts of the spirit are and studying about them. He mentioned staying close to Heavenly Father through my daily scripture study and prayer. But not just routing reading. He mentioned studying with a real question in mind. So I suppose to do that, I need to be aware of and come up with some questions. I think I have a bunch already (like this one-what is my purpose post mish?) or maybe something more specific like the events in Christ's life or how to develop a specific attribute. He mentioned making sure my prayers are more conversations and emphasized the hearing part. It's true. I seem to have forgotten how to do that post mission. and lastly He suggested paying close attention to conference talks and finding for myself a standard by which I should live. I am quite grateful for his advice.
You know, it's amazing to me, how quickly Heavenly Father hears and responds to our concerns. Isn't it perfect, that upon thinking and praying (and even going to the temple) about my purpose, Heavenly Father placed Dr. Gibbons in my path, ready to offer counsel. Boy am I thankful for this tender mercy today. :)
Well, those are just a few of my many thoughts about post mission life. I need to find my purpose. In addition, right now I am working on a few other essential life items: finishing up my degree, working (applying to the MTC), and trying to find a place to live for Fall! It's been an adventure for sure returning to normal life. As I said before, there are things I miss about the mission. For example, yesterday I received a letter from my last two companions. They spoke of the successes they are having in my last area. Oh, it brought back a flood of emotions and joy as I heard about the progress of those I was teaching before I left. It made me miss the friendships I had there, the security, my 24-7 companion, my constant daily schedule. All of it now gone... but on the other hand, I love my new freedom, my free time, seeing and catching up with my old friends, WATCHING MOVIES! Ha ha! But something is still missing. I need to find out what it is. I will follow Dr. Gibbons counsel and begin a search- a search for me. Who am I post mish? It's funny how people keep asking me how I'm doing with the transition. I keep thinking I'm fine and how silly it is that they keep asking me. But now that I've been home for two months, I am beginning to understand what they meant. There really is something missing-something different, and now I have to go find out what it is. Life is a treasure hunt after all. Full of mysteries and surprises! Our map being the scriptures, the Holy Ghost our guide. There is a grand reward at the end, but we must remember to find the pieces of 8 along the way!
Well, I suppose that concludes-for now-my first blog post post-mission. Hopefully there will be many more blog entries to come dealing with all the different facets of my new post-mission life- and my journey. Life IS an adventure, so I will post my explorations and discoveries here!