Agency and goal setting

Something amazing has happened!  Ever since that day when my depression finally went away, I have found myself a new, happy, dedicated, motivated, purpose-filled Kellie!  It's amazing!  My life since then has been intensely better, and I've been able to find so much more joy, even in the most mundane of projects.  Every accomplishment, it seems, brings me satisfaction, not necessarily because of the project itself (like, say, doing laundry) but more because I have been given the strength and power to do it!  Something has changed within me, and I'm confident that it is a direct result of the kind, divine assistance of my Father in Heaven. It is He who provides me with the strength and power to accomplish any significantly difficult or simple task in this life! It was He first of all who gave my life to me, and it is He who knows the potential for growth and good that I possess as one of his divine children.  Lately I have discovered the importance of goal setting.  As I have been doing my best to overcome some of my greatest weaknesses (time management, depression, etc.) I have been setting simple goals, like doing homework as soon as I get it, going to bed early, taking care of myself physically and spiritually and emotionally, etc. I've learned some very important lessons in this!  Heavenly Father respects our agency!  I've been so amazed and impressed at how true this is!  He knows the desires of our hearts, and I have felt, as I have striven to improve my life, how much his hand has been involved in helping me to achieve the righteous desires of my heart.  For instance, I had a goal to be more healthy, taking care of my body better by getting the exercise, nutrients, and sleep it needs.  This is one of the things I have chosen to do to help me maintain a healthy state of mind.  Considering how badly depressed I was last semester, I have chosen to involve myself in activities, thoughts, etc. that will help me to avoid the negative thoughts and idleness that lead me so swiftly to become depressed.  I prayed for assistance to be able to accomplish the goal of exercising three times a week, and since the day I started, save for one day, I have been aided in successfully keeping this goal!  I have learned however, that Heavenly Father cannot, obviously, do everything for us. He can help us.  However, we need to decide first what things we need his help with, and ask Him for them.  Soon after, He swiftly sends his angels to encourage and help us to fulfill those goals which we made.  He respects our agency, and it seems like when we let him know what we want or need, if it be a righteous desire, He instantly helps us to achieve it.  I suppose this is why they have the scripture: "It is not needful to be directed in all things... be anxiously engaged in a good cause."  I feel so much how true this is! As I have set goals of worth and righteousness, the Lord has supported me with the strength I have needed to fulfill.  Seriously!  Another goal I've had has been to be on time and present at every class this semester and to do all the homework ahead of time.  Since this is something I have been weak at for a while, I cannot expect to be perfect from the start, however, I have seen great improvement, and continue to find myself getting better!  Just this week alone, I was on time, if not early to every academic class (but not the art ones I'm afraid).  Like I said, perfection can't be achieved overnight.  But another way I am working to combat depression is to recognize the little progresses and to delight in each step for the better! Anyway, I just wanted to bear my testimony of the power of agency and of the swiftness of the Lord in serving us according to our desires (righteous) and needs.  I sure love and am thankful for his great kindnesses to those who seek to do his well.  How blessed we are to have such a caring and loving and gentle Father in Heaven!

How to Avoid Depression

(This was a blog post I wrote a while back but never ended up posting. I never fully finished it, but will post what I have so far for those who might need it. )

As I've been recovering from my own major bout of depression, I have been trying to maintain my freedom from this terrible sickness by doing certain things that will help me to maintain a healthy mind, body, and heart.  I thought that as I progress, it might be nice to share some of the things I've learned with others that may be searching for ways to overcome their own feelings of depression.  Here are some ideas and things that have helped me immensely, and I hope will help you as well.

1- Recognize that you are depressed.  There are many websites that list many of the symptoms of depressed persons.  Some of these include low feelings of self-worth, lack of desire to do the things you used to love, lack of motivation, little faith that your life can improve, etc.

2- Understand the reasons why you may be depressed:  could it be because you feel that all the other girls (guys) are prettier (more handsome) than you? Do you feel unworthy perhaps because of a past sin or because you are not living your life in accordance with what you know to be true? Do you compare yourself to others? Are you overwhelmed? Stressed?  Do you feel that you are never able to keep up with the work you have to do? Do you wonder why other people seem so happy? These are just a few of the things that went through my mind as I faced depression.

3- Cease those behaviors which only contribute to the depression, for example, self-depreciating thoughts or words.  Also, choose to desist those which you know are wrong, and begin to replace them with what you know is right.  Often times, feelings of depression can stem from feeling like we really just never
You may have to replace those behaviors with their positive counterparts in order to change them fully. 

4- Begin to replace those behaviors with their positive counterparts. 


Ways to maintain freedom from depression:
1- Take care of yourself physically: a healthy body is also a healthy mind.  Start eating correctly.  Take care of your appearance.  Don't do it for anyone else, but just do it for you.  You'll like yourself more if you feel good on the outside.  Start exercising a little every day.  It doesn't have to be much, but as you make those efforts, you will begin to feel in control of your life again.  As you develop those feelings of being in control, it is amazing what faith you build to begin to accomplish even more tasks.  The power of hard work is one of the many ways depression can be healed and maintained.

2-  Take care of yourself spiritually:  if you are a God fearing person, start aligning your life with his will. If He wants you to study your scriptures and pray to him daily, then do it.  Don't wait or hesitate.  We are commanded pray daily, hourly, always, so do so.  Seek his help through prayer to overcome your weaknesses and difficulties.  Maintain a consistent study habit to read and pray and attend church and otherwise seek Him and is strength in his life.

3-Take care of your self emotionally.  This means clearing the messy corners of your mind from all the negative thoughts you have about yourself- all the lies you say to keep yourself down.  Remember, thinking too much about oneself, even when negatively, is still thinking selfishly, is it not?

4- Give back.  Seek outside yourself.  Reach out to those who seem to need a friend, support, someone to talk to, etc.

Joy in Temple Covenants!

Today I just received a phone call from one of my mission companions, Emily Peck, with some of the greatest news!  One of our recent converts had been running through her head all week, and so today she decided to call her, Dona Clair, baptised February 29, 2010 into the Caxingui Ward of the Sao Paulo Stake in the Sao Paulo North Mission, Brasil.  She said that as she chat briefly with Dona Clair, this sweet older woman expressed her excitement about being able to receive her patriarchal blessing later on this week as well as her current enrollment in a temple preparation class in preparation for her temple endowment which she will be receiving next month!  This came to me as some of the most wonderful news!!!  I just had to post this JOYous moment asap on my blog for the world to see!  Dona Clair will be entering the temple to make covenants with our Father in Heaven next month! What a wonderful blessing to have been able to be a part of her life, participate in her story, and see, even a year after her baptism, the great blessings that come from faithfulness and consistency in the church.  This sweet woman was such an example to me of perfect childlike faith.  She believed so readily and heartily the doctrines as they were taught to her and she knew, from the beginning, that this gospel, this church, was the thing that had been missing from her life for so long.  She loves the church, and has grown so much even in the short time that we've known her, and I feel so blessed to have her be a part of my mission story as well.  Sweet Dona Clair, PARABENS por sua fidelidade! Nos a amamos e regozijamos em saber de seu progresso e desejo de continuar firme neste caminho tao estreito e apertado. Sei que realmente, a Senhora esta no caminho que leva de verdade a vida eterna!  Parabens minha amiga! Te amo!!! <3 <3 <3

Come What May and Love It-Heavenly Father has a plan!

Today I ran into a little book, while spending too much time shopping for groceries at Macey's, called something like Dance before you can't do it anymore... or something like that. It just had a collection of little statements and quotes to help the reader remember what's most important in this life.  In perusing its pages, I saw little tidbits like: Before you can't anymore, remember to let go of pride; to not be hasty to win an argument; to be slow to judge those around you; and when opportunity arises to speak ill of others, resist the temptation.  It had other things like: Cherish every word that leaves your lovers lips, make the most of every moment with those you love; don't miss an opportunity to tell them you love them, etc.  But the one that caught my eye today, and brought me JOY was the one that said that Heavenly Father knew the plan for my life. That was all it needed to say.  Over the holiday break, I began to worry more about what I was going to do with my future. Graduation is coming up (I still don't know when, but it's finally getting close) and I have no plans as far as what I'm going to do for a job, where I'm going to work, live, etc. I've also been worried about trying to figure out where I should live this Winter semeseter, be it where I currently am, or where I'm trying to get into as a roommate with my good friend Kim.  I can't seem to find a buyer, however, for my current contract, which means I may be stuck here and not get to live with her afterall... which would be sad, as she has already begun moving her things into our would-be shared room.  On top of that, a few friends  have taken an interest in helping me find someone to date/(hopefully marry) and that is another stressor I wish to not think about.  Who will I marry and when? Which classes should I take? When will I graduate? Where will I live? What will I do?  So many questions and "unsure"ities about the future are often part of our lives and daily worries. So, you can imagine how grateful I was for that tiny little reminder today at the store that even though I DON'T know all the answers to what will happen in my future, Heavenly Father knows the plan for my life.  He knows. So, every bit of confusion or "unsure"ity that enters my mind He is aware of.  Another phrase entered my mind as I sat pondering the thought tonight, a phrase I may often refer to by the late Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints stating: "Come What May and Love It." Sometimes his is hard! I live in a place I'm slightly fond of with roommates that are okay and a ward that is fine and classes that are hard, etc. (Not that I'm complaining) There is nothing wrong with any of these people, places, or things, but they just aren't my first choice, or my favorite, or where I'd hoped to be, nor with whom. But sometimes life just gives us what we don't expect, and maybe what we don't even want.  What we need, instead of what we think we need. Though I am in a place and situation less than ideal in my mind, Heavenly Father knows the plan for my life.  He knows where I am most apt to thrive, what situations will help me to grow the most, what people will give me the most opportunity to help and serve, and maybe where I want to be and where I think I should be just doesn't quite fit in with Heavenly Father's plan for me.  and if that's the case, "Come what may, and I will learn to love it." Not exactly what Elder Wirthlin said, lol, but it's the best I can do sometimes! I definitely appreciate these two statements, and though the saying by Elder Wirthlin is one I have been working to master since I first heard it, I still have a LOT to learn on the subject of loving whatever comes our way.  But I am thankful for the little lessons along the way that help me to get there. I must be happy with who I am, where, and who I live with and am surrounded by.  Perhaps there are opportunities for growth and service there that I never would have expected.  There great thing is that "Heavenly Father knows the plan for my life."  Wherever I am right now, I sure hope and pray, is exactly where He intended me to be, and even if not, "Come what may and love it." I can still follow his plan by learning to make the best of it!
Anyway, so I'm grateful for today's tidbit of JOY, a reminder that no matter what the circumstances, location, confusion about the future, "unsure"ness, etc. that Heavenly Father knows the plan and that because of that I CAN love whatever may come. How grateful I am for his concern and care with each one of us. I sure love Him for the ways He finds to enrich our lives and help us to remember that He is always there. What JOY his great plan, whether I know it all the way right now or not, brings to my life, and what JOY is sure to come, despite the "who"s and "where"s and "how"s, as we learn to love whatever people and places and things his plan brings to us.
I wish I could have stated that all a bit more poetically, but being the amateur writer that I am, it will have to do.  I leave you with my testimony of the all knowing wisdom Heavenly Father has. From how to create worlds without end, to the tiniest, tenderest thoughts and feelings of our hearts and minds.  He knows which paths will bring us the most happiness in life and I know that we simply have to trust in Him, though the future is often unsure, and He will guide and direct us in the way that will bring us once again into his presence for eternity.  I am grateful for his plan. I know it is true, and I know that He knows and loves each and every one of you, too! Trust is Him! Love whatever comes! He knows the way!

Christmas Special!

Tonight was one of the most wonderful experiences I have had all year long! As Christmas Eve came came to it's end, we commemorated the evening with a performance by Savanna and I: she on the violin, and I on the piano. We played "Silent Night" and "O Holy Night," with me playing a French host. (my favorite part, lol) We had only practiced that very night, so the performance may have been more or less, but the spirit was strong. It was fun to prepare and perform with my littlest sister. After the performance, we went to our basement where the television is and put in the movie "Joy to the World" produced by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It contains a beautiful twenty minute message about the birth of the Savior and how the sign of his birth was viewed not only in the Eastern hemisphere, but in the western as well, by his righteous followers on the American continent at the time. They had awaited his birth in anticipation as did all those who believed on the Savior Jesus Christ. It is a beautiful little film with clips of music from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and other scenes from the live of the Savior. After the film, (and after seeing the last half hour of a Mormon Tabernacle Christmas performance on tv with David Archuleta) we rushed off to get ready for bed. As usual on Christmas Eve, elves had come and placed pajamas on our beds, so we could greet the next day with fresh warm clothes! The best part of the evening was even yet to come, however.  As my sisters as I all brushed our teeth, tried on our new pjs, got our last drink of water, etc, we settled down into the room we were all sharing for the night. (Grandma and grandpa Decker are in town and are therefore using the other bedroom.) We decided to read a little excerpt from a book I bought a while back called: Christmas Treasury for Latter-day Saint Families, by Lloyd and Karmel Newell. I asked Amber to pick a section for us to read together and she chose the one on traditions.  We read the section together and then talked a little bit about some of our favorite Christmas traditions as a familiy.  Savanna said she loved getting to decorate the Christmas tree each year for her birthday (which falls at the beginning of December). Amber said she loved taking Mom's white chocolate popcorn to all the neighbors and especially putting up the felt nativity and reading the story of the birth of Jesus and moving the felt pieces around to act out the scene. Michele said she loved everything: especially going out to look at the Christmas lights and making and decorating cookies. Since she is already 22 and out of the house, she and her soon-to-be fiance did a few Christmas traditions of their own this year, including those two things. I also love everything: from getting pajamas from elves on Christmas eve, to making cookies together, to the Christmas music we play, to decorating the tree, seeing the lights, etc.  All make up for a special and wonderful holiday.  I think most importantly, I just love being home with my family. It is such a rare and special thing now that Michele and I are moved out of the house. Since I haven't been home for Christmas in three years, this one seems extra special to me.  The most special part of the evening was being able to just sit and share these special memories together with my sisters, and best of all: to kneel down with them, all four of us, lined around the edge of the bed, and have my Sister Michele offer up and sweet and sincere prayer of thanks for our family, for the season, and for the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has made all of what we have possible.  Our family, the love we feel between one another, the blessings of health and happiness, and the mercy and forgiveness of our Savior are all gifts given us by Him.  We owe everything we have to this special being, who was once born in a stable, and lain in a manger. A man of such royal birth, born in so humble of circumstances.  A King over all earth and sky, and yet, so humble and pure, insomuch as to suffer and die for the sins of every one.  I am thankful for that moment in which my Sister humbly expressed these feelings as we knelt down all together in prayer.  What a special moment for me to be united with my family again, on the Eve of the Anniversary of the birth of our Savior, giving reverent thanks unto Him.  These things are the reason for the season: family, friendship, service, camaraderie, compassion, love.  Michele, Amber, Savanna, Mom, Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, and best of all my Savior: Thank you for a wonderful night!

Pecan Pie Crusts!

December 24, 2011.

I made my first pie crust! You'd think I'd have learned by the time I was 25, but no.  Mom was so sweet and took the time to teach me how to do it the right way!  Hopefully I can remember next time I got to make a pie! The recipe was so simple, too!  Flour, sugar, salt. Smash in chunks of cold butter until blended... but not too much. You still want it chunky. Next, add iced water, only two spoonfuls at a time and mix with a fork until it is just sticky enough.  Barely sticky.. About six-ish spoonfuls will do.  Spread flour on surface where you will roll out the dough so it won't stick, and using a rolling pin, roll until, I dunno.  The size part I'm not sure about, but you want it to hang over the edge of the pie tin by at least an inch 1/2 or so. Next, gently place dough in pie tin and gently mold it to fit. Take a beaten egg and baste it around the whole surface of the dough to give it a shiny appearance. Cut off the extra dough around the edges and shape them however you'd like. Oh, and be sure to shape the crusts so that they stand up from the tin a bit since it will shrink as it bakes. Fill with your favorite pie filling and then put it in the oven (for how long and how hot, I'm not sure. I guess it depends on the pie you are making.) a Voi la! Homemade pie crust! Hmmm, I'll need to get the exact measures of flour, sugar, and salt though from my Mom. I think it was 1 1/2 cup flour, 2 Tbs sugar, and a pinch of salt mixed with a 1/2 c of cube butter. Yep!  There you have it! In this particular case, we decided to divide up the dough into two halves and make two mini pecan pies since not everyone in our family likes to eat them. Here's how they turned out! (too bad I didn't get a picture of the final baked product!)

Freedom and Christmas cookie decorating!

Freedom!!!!  From school that is!  What it really means is freedom to do chores. Freedom to do laundry, freedom to clean house, freedom to organize life, ha ha, that's my kind of freedom! ;)
I can hardly believe there is only one week left until Christmas!  I've been so busy with finals and classwork that it just sort of snuck up on me! Well, since today was my first fee day post-finals, I wasn't really sure what to do to fill up all my extra time! Here is what I ended up doing with my FREE time: 1 hour and a half of exercise! The first I've gotten all semester! 20-30 minutes of cardio and weight lifting for the rest! I went with Catherine Andelin and we smoked up the track! (okay, so I only went a mile and a half, but who's counting! We left feeling energized and motivated to get our own six packs next year, lol! We also combined our forces to make an egg, ham, and cheese toasted sandwich, which was delicious, and I used my last avocado to make a yummy vitamina de abacate! (avocado shake) You've GOT to try it sometime. Just mix one small avocado with enough milk to cover it in the blender and a few Tablespoons of sugar: blend and you are good to go!  A deliciously healthy-ish smoothie!Anyway, I used the rest of my day to finally organize my inbox, shower of course, work for a couple hours, and organize my bedroom even washing my comforter! (the pillows are next!).  The BEST part, however, came at the end of the day when my roommate Anna and her two little sisters Rachel, and Liza all decorated sugar cookies! Andrew and Anna's friend helped out, too! Here are a few photos from the fun!

Liza, Anna, and Rachel

I made this tree and the snowflake, too! The cute snowmen are Anna's

Lot's of fun and yummy cookies!  It felt like being home again having a family of girls together decorating sugar cookies.  What could be a better family Christmastime activity?!
So thankful for the holidays and for the chance to finally clean my house!
Freedom from finals really means:  freedom to do chores! Freedom to take care of my body, freedom to keep a clean house, and Freedom to spend the evening decorating Christmas cookies with my roommate and her sisters.  Just one more way to find joy in the journey!